Because I'm dumb.
Had more to eat than I should have yesterday, which probably would have been fine, but then b/p'd at like 9 pm. Chocolate chip cookies, black bean chips, an entire cherry pie. Like, literally a whole one. WHAT. Who the hell does that.
So a loss, but not a big one. I want to see 132.? tomorrow.
K said I'm getting smaller.
(Of course, she's hypersensitive about this kind of thing, so I don't know how much to trust her judgment.)
But still. If my scale is correct, this is the smallest I've been in well over a year.
(It's not small enough yet.)
Today: planned lunch with a friend. Tomato soup with tofu and steamed kale? If I can have a modicum of self-control, which it seems like, y'know, I can't.
Hopefully that's all for today, but you know how that goes. I just want to not b/p for a bit. I just want to restrict.
Stay strong, lovelies.
<3
--The Dancer
Tuesday, October 29, 2013
Monday, October 28, 2013
Same as yesterday
134 again. Had breakfast (was feeling too shaky to dance without it) and then b/p'd twice throughout the day, so I'm actually rather amazed that I didn't go up.
The plan is breakfast this morning, then black beans and fruit throughout the day. Two dance classes, an hour and a half of rehearsal, then I teach two dance classes, so that's 5.5 hours of movement today. I'd have to seriously fuck up to not see 133.something tomorrow.
...if I can manage a measly half pound a day lost, I'll be under 130 for the show. Holy shit.
Stay strong, lovelies.
<3
--The Dancer
Edit: Big success so far today. Had to go buy something for a dance piece I'm working on, which involved walking past the grocery store. Went in, stared at the baked goods (fruit pies and turnovers). Every time I've been in that grocery store for the past month, I've bought SOMETHING that I've immediately b/p'd on. And today I just walked out. Got a soy latte later as a treat. Much better.
The plan is breakfast this morning, then black beans and fruit throughout the day. Two dance classes, an hour and a half of rehearsal, then I teach two dance classes, so that's 5.5 hours of movement today. I'd have to seriously fuck up to not see 133.something tomorrow.
...if I can manage a measly half pound a day lost, I'll be under 130 for the show. Holy shit.
Stay strong, lovelies.
<3
--The Dancer
Edit: Big success so far today. Had to go buy something for a dance piece I'm working on, which involved walking past the grocery store. Went in, stared at the baked goods (fruit pies and turnovers). Every time I've been in that grocery store for the past month, I've bought SOMETHING that I've immediately b/p'd on. And today I just walked out. Got a soy latte later as a treat. Much better.
Sunday, October 27, 2013
134
I have NO IDEA how that happened.
Breakfast yesterday was oatmeal with peanut butter, raisins, and an apple. Deliciousness.
An hour of hardcore dance, then just ran a rehearsal for two hours (no energy expended). A "light dinner" became b/p, then just lots of water and tea until the show (which went SO WELL. I'm a little surprised, given that I was functioning on almost no food, which was dumb, but whatever). Lots of alcohol afterwards.
And 134 this morning. Damn.
The goal is coffee and tea today and nothing else. I don't have any rehearsals, just a quick showing, which shouldn't take much. I might have an orange if I feel like I need it.
Just. 134. What.
Everything is the best.
Hope you lovelies are having excellent days.
<3
--The Dancer
Breakfast yesterday was oatmeal with peanut butter, raisins, and an apple. Deliciousness.
An hour of hardcore dance, then just ran a rehearsal for two hours (no energy expended). A "light dinner" became b/p, then just lots of water and tea until the show (which went SO WELL. I'm a little surprised, given that I was functioning on almost no food, which was dumb, but whatever). Lots of alcohol afterwards.
And 134 this morning. Damn.
The goal is coffee and tea today and nothing else. I don't have any rehearsals, just a quick showing, which shouldn't take much. I might have an orange if I feel like I need it.
Just. 134. What.
Everything is the best.
Hope you lovelies are having excellent days.
<3
--The Dancer
Saturday, October 26, 2013
Still 135.4
And so, so happy about that fact.
Wednesday (last day I posted), I ended up getting pretty sick: high fever, cough, congestion, all of that. The problem (besides generic "being sick sucks") is that I had a show last night and another one tonight, so I NEEDED to be at least BETTER, if not HEALTHY, by last night. So no behaviors were allowed.
I ate. And ate. And slept and didn't workout and didn't really dance and didn't purge at all. I felt awful and bloated and the scale agreed that I'd gained weight.
But this morning, after only one day of sensible eating (not even restricting, really) it's back down to 135.4. I can't wait to get lower.
The goal right now is 130 by November 8th. That's 13 days, so I'm fairly confident that I'll crush that goal. November 8th is my company's major dance show, and onstage=must be thin. The costumes for one of the pieces is also MAYBE nude undergarments (the choreographer is still deciding) and nothing else, so I definitely don't want to be distracted by self-consciousness.
Today I have rehearsal this morning and a show tonight. The plan is to grab breakfast in half an hour (oatmeal with peanut butter and fruit), rehearse, work on my senior thesis all afternoon, then a small dinner before the show.
Here's hoping for 135 even tomorrow.
<3
--The Dancer
Wednesday (last day I posted), I ended up getting pretty sick: high fever, cough, congestion, all of that. The problem (besides generic "being sick sucks") is that I had a show last night and another one tonight, so I NEEDED to be at least BETTER, if not HEALTHY, by last night. So no behaviors were allowed.
I ate. And ate. And slept and didn't workout and didn't really dance and didn't purge at all. I felt awful and bloated and the scale agreed that I'd gained weight.
But this morning, after only one day of sensible eating (not even restricting, really) it's back down to 135.4. I can't wait to get lower.
The goal right now is 130 by November 8th. That's 13 days, so I'm fairly confident that I'll crush that goal. November 8th is my company's major dance show, and onstage=must be thin. The costumes for one of the pieces is also MAYBE nude undergarments (the choreographer is still deciding) and nothing else, so I definitely don't want to be distracted by self-consciousness.
Today I have rehearsal this morning and a show tonight. The plan is to grab breakfast in half an hour (oatmeal with peanut butter and fruit), rehearse, work on my senior thesis all afternoon, then a small dinner before the show.
Here's hoping for 135 even tomorrow.
<3
--The Dancer
Wednesday, October 23, 2013
Got a Scale!
Finally.
Been without for like five weeks.
I was expecting 140something.
...135.4.
Hellz yes.
The hope is that this gives me the motivation to restrict instead of this daily purging shit I've been doing the last few weeks. Daily feedback has usually helped with that.
(Oh, and K and I are dating.)
Other things: birthday was fabulous. Wore
Been without for like five weeks.
I was expecting 140something.
...135.4.
Hellz yes.
The hope is that this gives me the motivation to restrict instead of this daily purging shit I've been doing the last few weeks. Daily feedback has usually helped with that.
(Oh, and K and I are dating.)
Other things: birthday was fabulous. Wore
Got it in a medium because it's bodycon and I was ordering online. Was a bit big. Hell yes.
Laptop's trackpad was SUPER WONKY for a while, but it seems to be behaving now (knock on wood!). Will update and read more regularly.
Love you all.
Stay strong.
<3
Monday, September 30, 2013
Better Than I Thought
Didn't get to the gym last night. =/
I did go this morning, though! 20 minutes elliptical, 20 minutes weight training, 20 minutes elliptical.
I had forgotten that the gym has a scale. Got on at the end of my workout, with shoes on, having downed 30+ oz (that's about 2 lbs) of water in the previous hour.
140.
140 with shoes/clothes and 2 lbs of straight water weight in my stomach, which means the real number is probably around 137 or a little under.
So that could be a lot worse.
10 days until my birthday, 11 days until the party. If I can lose half a pound a day, I could be about 132 by the time that rolls around.
I'll take it.
Started catching up on all of your blogs. Not quite there yet, but it'll happen, I promise!
Stay strong, lovelies.
<3
I did go this morning, though! 20 minutes elliptical, 20 minutes weight training, 20 minutes elliptical.
I had forgotten that the gym has a scale. Got on at the end of my workout, with shoes on, having downed 30+ oz (that's about 2 lbs) of water in the previous hour.
140.
140 with shoes/clothes and 2 lbs of straight water weight in my stomach, which means the real number is probably around 137 or a little under.
So that could be a lot worse.
10 days until my birthday, 11 days until the party. If I can lose half a pound a day, I could be about 132 by the time that rolls around.
I'll take it.
Started catching up on all of your blogs. Not quite there yet, but it'll happen, I promise!
Stay strong, lovelies.
<3
Sunday, September 29, 2013
More Updates
My mom's still in the hospital, but she's been out of the ICU for about a week and might get to go home in a few days.
My scale is broken. I can get a new one on Tuesday. I haven't weighed myself since I've been home.
I was cast in a duet to be performed in the middle of winter in which the costumes are briefs and a sports bra. So that's kind of dire.
My 21st is in 10 days and I'm still fat as fuck. So that sucks.
I'll be posting here a lot more now. My schedule has finally normalized, which means I can get back into old habits.
Ate way too much today.
Breakfast: black coffee.
Ran auditions for a new dance company, but that really wasn't hard.
Lunch (1 pm): Black bean burger on bread with hummus, lettuce, tomato. Steamed green beans, beets, and tofu. Another (small) piece of bread with peanut butter.
Dinner (6 pm): Garden vegetable soup and tortilla chips with hummus.
Shouldn't have had dinner. Going to the gym in an hour, though.
Going to the gym again tomorrow morning. Then the plan is breakfast (oats, peanut butter, and fruit) and then a cup of black beans and some fruit throughout the day. I have a class and two dance classes, a two-hour rehearsal, and then I teach two more dance classes in the evening, so eating a bit throughout the day is both a) necessary and b) not the absolute worst.
I swear I'll catch up on all of your lovely blogs.
Stay strong, lovelies. <3
My scale is broken. I can get a new one on Tuesday. I haven't weighed myself since I've been home.
I was cast in a duet to be performed in the middle of winter in which the costumes are briefs and a sports bra. So that's kind of dire.
My 21st is in 10 days and I'm still fat as fuck. So that sucks.
I'll be posting here a lot more now. My schedule has finally normalized, which means I can get back into old habits.
Ate way too much today.
Breakfast: black coffee.
Ran auditions for a new dance company, but that really wasn't hard.
Lunch (1 pm): Black bean burger on bread with hummus, lettuce, tomato. Steamed green beans, beets, and tofu. Another (small) piece of bread with peanut butter.
Dinner (6 pm): Garden vegetable soup and tortilla chips with hummus.
Shouldn't have had dinner. Going to the gym in an hour, though.
Going to the gym again tomorrow morning. Then the plan is breakfast (oats, peanut butter, and fruit) and then a cup of black beans and some fruit throughout the day. I have a class and two dance classes, a two-hour rehearsal, and then I teach two more dance classes in the evening, so eating a bit throughout the day is both a) necessary and b) not the absolute worst.
I swear I'll catch up on all of your lovely blogs.
Stay strong, lovelies. <3
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