Sunday, September 15, 2013

Things That Have Happened Since My Last Post (in chronological order):

1. My grandmother (who I had spent winter and spring break living with/taking care of) died.
2. Weird eating patterns happened again, though partially from schedule-related stuff (being at the funeral home all day for a few days straight).
3. I went back to school two days late (bright and early after the morning of the funeral).
4. I started teaching dance to small children.
5. I started rehearsals.
6. I started actually restricting again because rehearsals weren't as difficult as I thought they'd be.
7. My mom had a heart attack Thursday night and is in the hospital. I'm still 900 miles away at school. She's okay (all things considered)--stable, in no pain, and scheduled for bypass surgery tomorrow. She's a low-risk patient, so things should be okay.
8. I found out that K started cutting and restricting again after two months of not.
9. K found out I had lied to her over the summer about recovering.
10. K told me she loved me.
11. K's not going to try to stop me with this, and I'm not going to try to stop her (outside of keeping her safe).
12. I don't know how much I weigh because my scale-at-school needs new batteries.
13. I've had about 400 calories today. It's 3 pm and I had two hours of rehearsal earlier. I dunno if I'm going to eat again today.

Aaaaand that's my life up to now.


  1. Oh hun... I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. I know there's little that can be said to console someone after the loss of a loved one, but at the least, please know you're in my thoughts.

    And I hope your mom recovers quickly and without complication. It sounds like life's been pretty intense for you lately, I hope things calm down soon.

    Sending tonnes of hugs your way <3 xx

  2. im so sorry to hear about your grandmother gorgeous. it's so hard to lose someone. it's just...the numbness, the realisation that you're not going to see them again - it is all too much. I know there's little I can say that could be comforting but I just hope that you understand that you are not alone, we are going to help you and we are so sorry to hear that anything bad had happened to you. you really don't deserve this.
    im sorry. honestly, your eating habits are meant to be distorted with what you have to go through - I can't imagine how hard it must be.
    im hoping your Mother will be fine. there are simply no words for how much my heart aches for you. just...quite hypocritical then. if she's going back to it, she can't ostracise you for lying to her or something of the variant.
    I love you.
    take care of yourself, sweetie

    -Sam Lupin

  3. oh shit that's pretty tough...
    i hope you're holding up okay.
    don't forget to come to us if you need it.
    stay strong <3