Sunday, May 11, 2014

Bingey binge binge.

After a few days of "normal" (albeit, yes, actually healthy) eating and weight lifting/running combo... and then a binge last night. Didn't purge, because I'm trying not to do that anymore (though, who am I kidding, did it on Friday), so now everything's just sitting in me.
I haven't been this high in MONTHS.
Everything disgusts me. My stomach disgusts me. My arms disgust me. My thighs and calves and ankles and chubby knees disgust me. My face disgusts me.
I have a food hangover from all of the sugar and simple carbs.
I'm eight months along with a set of food triplets.
The official word on what you're meant to do after a binge is "self care" and "normal" eating. Yeah. Right. =/
The plan today: as much water and tea as I can stomach (at least 200 fl oz, or 25 cups; my water bottle holds 24 oz (3 cups) and tea mug holds 16 oz (2 cups), so that's five bottles of water and five mugs of tea. I'll let myself have coffee to, uh, move things along after I've downed the first two servings each of water and tea.
No food. No food today, we'll see what the scale says about tomorrow. I'm guessing no food then, either. No food until I'm back in the 133s. My guess is the 137s tomorrow, but if I make it to the gym today, maybe I can burn enough to get into the 136s.

I started reading Ana Regzig's blog again last night after the binge.
In her words,

Starve on.
--The Dancer

Wednesday, May 7, 2014


I am finally, finally back below 134.
(I was at 134 even when I woke up on Monday after the drinking, went up yesterday morning by less than a pound (but it still counts)).
With my schedule today, I'm almost certain I can be in the 132s tomorrow.

I also purged four days in a row, which is just bullshit. I went three fucking weeks without purging (and an entire month without coffee! Addictions can be broken, yo).
So here's the challenge. 4 days of purging? 4 days purge-free. I am absolutely NOT ALLOWED to purge today through Saturday. Just can't happen. Nope, sorry, deal with your fat like everyone else.
The only rule is under 1000 calories and some kind of exercise (besides dancing) every day.
I have 18 days until Spring Concert, which is this awesome all-day outdoor music festival my school throws. Sunshine and beer and bikinis. I WILL look hot as fuck this year, mark my words.
125. 125 for Spring Concert would be great, then 120 by graduation three weeks later.
Totally manageable. Not even a problem.

Love you all! Skinny days and happy thoughts.
--The Dancer

Tuesday, May 6, 2014

Purged four days in a row.
This shit needs to stop.

(But as long as the weight's going down, the fuck do I care?)

Monday, May 5, 2014

Could be Worse

After I posted last night, I ended up purging before going out. Bad decisions, I know, I know.
Got super drunk (but didn't puke!), but wasn't too bad calorie-wise. Or, at least, it could have been a lot worse. Mixer-wise, had about 6 oz of lemonade and 8 oz each of orange juice and cranberry juice. Alcohol-wise... gin, citrus vodka, more citrus vodka, more gin, and lots of whiskey. Food-wise, a handful of tortilla chips and too many jelly beans.
Woke up 2 pounds down from yesterday. I'll post my weight tomorrow if I lose again, which seems... possible?
Was hungover upon waking, obviously, which of course meant too much food.
Brunch around noon was a carrot burger on bread with hummus, lettuce and tomato, a tiny amount of refried beans, some plain tofu, and a bowl of lentil and swiss chard soup with (as;ldfkjals;dfjk) another piece of bread. Overall, 730 calories, 40 grams of protein. The general goal these days is under 1000 calories (which I KNOW is hella high for most of you but easing in, I think) and as much protein as possible, so this fits into that.

The plan is to not eat anything else today. I teach two dance classes tonight, so I'll get a little workout there, and I'm hoping/planning(/going to, goddammit) go for a 2-ish mile run this afternoon.
With any self-control I'll be down another pound tomorrow and I'll post my weight then.

Here's hoping.
--The Dancer

Sunday, May 4, 2014


Woke up at an unspeakable number this morning (but better than yesterday0.
I'm going to be even worse tomorrow, I know it.
Intake was green beans, tofu, and marinara sauce a little after noon, an apple at like 4:30, and then... fuck. Dinner was supposed to be green beans, tofu, and marinara sauce again, but then I went "oh, I mean, I'm planning on drinking a lot tonight, I should have a piece of bread so I don't absolutely destroy my stomach."
And we all know how that goes. Not one but THREE pieces of bread. One with mustard (good), two with peanut butter and raisins.
Intake is 1330 BEFORE the alcohol.
Fucking hell.
If I had stuck to my single piece of bread with mustard, it would have been 820ish.
Dumbass. Fatass.

Let's get drunk enough to puke?
Woohoo college, or something.

Hope you're having skinnier days than I am,
--The Dancer

(PS, thank you for the lovely comments on my last post. Love you all. Working through your archives. <3 )

Saturday, May 3, 2014

For Fuck's Sake

Hey there.
It's been a while.

I was doing well for some of that.
Mostly my weight stayed in the 134-137 range.
I never purged more than two days out of a week (I think?) and went three whole weeks without purging at all.

This last week, though.

I think I'm back?
Ashamed of my weight. Not gonna say it.
I have 21 days to drop as much as I can (while keeping muscle).
The plan is fruit, vegetables, soymilk, and tofu, running and weight-lifting.

I just can't do another day like today.

Skinny thoughts
--The Dancer