Tuesday, October 29, 2013


Because I'm dumb.
Had more to eat than I should have yesterday, which probably would have been fine, but then b/p'd at like 9 pm. Chocolate chip cookies, black bean chips, an entire cherry pie. Like, literally a whole one. WHAT. Who the hell does that.

So a loss, but not a big one. I want to see 132.? tomorrow.

K said I'm getting smaller.
(Of course, she's hypersensitive about this kind of thing, so I don't know how much to trust her judgment.)
But still. If my scale is correct, this is the smallest I've been in well over a year.
(It's not small enough yet.)

Today: planned lunch with a friend. Tomato soup with tofu and steamed kale? If I can have a modicum of self-control, which it seems like, y'know, I can't.
Hopefully that's all for today, but you know how that goes. I just want to not b/p for a bit. I just want to restrict.

Stay strong, lovelies.
--The Dancer

Monday, October 28, 2013

Same as yesterday

134 again. Had breakfast (was feeling too shaky to dance without it) and then b/p'd twice throughout the day, so I'm actually rather amazed that I didn't go up.
The plan is breakfast this morning, then black beans and fruit throughout the day. Two dance classes, an hour and a half of rehearsal, then I teach two dance classes, so that's 5.5 hours of movement today. I'd have to seriously fuck up to not see 133.something tomorrow.

...if I can manage a measly half pound a day lost, I'll be under 130 for the show. Holy shit.

Stay strong, lovelies.
--The Dancer

Edit: Big success so far today. Had to go buy something for a dance piece I'm working on, which involved walking past the grocery store. Went in, stared at the baked goods (fruit pies and turnovers). Every time I've been in that grocery store for the past month, I've bought SOMETHING that I've immediately b/p'd on. And today I just walked out. Got a soy latte later as a treat. Much better.

Sunday, October 27, 2013


I have NO IDEA how that happened.
Breakfast yesterday was oatmeal with peanut butter, raisins, and an apple. Deliciousness.
An hour of hardcore dance, then just ran a rehearsal for two hours (no energy expended). A "light dinner" became b/p, then just lots of water and tea until the show (which went SO WELL. I'm a little surprised, given that I was functioning on almost no food, which was dumb, but whatever). Lots of alcohol afterwards.

And 134 this morning. Damn.

The goal is coffee and tea today and nothing else. I don't have any rehearsals, just a quick showing, which shouldn't take much. I might have an orange if I feel like I need it.

Just. 134. What.
Everything is the best.

Hope you lovelies are having excellent days.
--The Dancer

Saturday, October 26, 2013

Still 135.4

And so, so happy about that fact.

Wednesday (last day I posted), I ended up getting pretty sick: high fever, cough, congestion, all of that. The problem (besides generic "being sick sucks") is that I had a show last night and another one tonight, so I NEEDED to be at least BETTER, if not HEALTHY, by last night. So no behaviors were allowed.
I ate. And ate. And slept and didn't workout and didn't really dance and didn't purge at all. I felt awful and bloated and the scale agreed that I'd gained weight.
But this morning, after only one day of sensible eating (not even restricting, really) it's back down to 135.4. I can't wait to get lower.

The goal right now is 130 by November 8th. That's 13 days, so I'm fairly confident that I'll crush that goal. November 8th is my company's major dance show, and onstage=must be thin. The costumes for one of the pieces is also MAYBE nude undergarments (the choreographer is still deciding) and nothing else, so I definitely don't want to be distracted by self-consciousness.

Today I have rehearsal this morning and a show tonight. The plan is to grab breakfast in half an hour (oatmeal with peanut butter and fruit), rehearse, work on my senior thesis all afternoon, then a small dinner before the show.

Here's hoping for 135 even tomorrow.
--The Dancer

Wednesday, October 23, 2013

Got a Scale!

Been without for like five weeks.
I was expecting 140something.

Hellz yes.

The hope is that this gives me the motivation to restrict instead of this daily purging shit I've been doing the last few weeks. Daily feedback has usually helped with that.

(Oh, and K and I are dating.)

Other things: birthday was fabulous. Wore

Got it in a medium because it's bodycon and I was ordering online. Was a bit big. Hell yes.

Laptop's trackpad was SUPER WONKY for a while, but it seems to be behaving now (knock on wood!). Will update and read more regularly.

Love you all.
Stay strong.