Sunday, February 23, 2014

Let's Go.

I stand before you at 134 pounds and pretty happy with myself, my body, and my weight.
(Since when?)

Ballet still makes me panic, and thinking about auditioning for professional companies still makes me panic and want to starve or b/p.
But for the most part, I'm okay with myself. I have a little bit of visible ab muscle, my legs are large but muscular and I'm closer to a thigh gap than I've ever been in my life, and my upper body is approaching something that could be called strong.

But I'm afraid of leaving this mindset. I'm afraid that, as soon as I try to step into the professional dance world, I'm going to panic and hardcore relapse.

My first big audition is in seven weeks.
I think that, maybe, if I'm a healthy 125 pounds by then, I won't panic. I won't freak out.

So I have 7 weeks to lose 9 pounds.
That's about 1.3 pounds a week, or an average deficit of 650 calories/day. I'll aim for a daily deficit of 700 calories, just to be safe. I calculated my BMR to be 2235, so a 700 calorie deficit would be eating 1535/day.
(I know that number probably seems unimaginable to most of you girls.)
(But it's the "healthy" way of doing things.)

Of course, that's not a 1535-calorie free-for-all.
That's clean eating only. Nothing packaged, nothing sugary. A goal of 90-100 grams of protein every day.
That's every bite recorded, no exceptions.
That's 100 oz of water every day, no excuses.
That's six hours of technique class and ten to fourteen hours of rehearsal every week.
After my thesis is due (final draft this Friday), that's the gym every day to either lift or run/elliptical.
That's finally privileging my body and its needs so that it works for me.
That is going to make me great.
(It's not quite "health" but it's close enough.)

Love and coffee.
--The Dancer


  1. It's sounds like you're in a pretty good place for the most part! Triggers will always pop up, especially in the dance world, but for today you're doing well, and all we can ever do is one day at a time.
    I'm always gobsmacked by how much activity you do. I've done a little over 16hrs exercise over the past six days, that's been wiping me out and I'm certain you work much harder than I do! Crazy lady (crazy *fit* lady).
    1,500 doesn't sound unimaginable. Most of our views are skewed, yes, but for me personally, while I'd panic if I was told I had to eat that much, I know that it really isn't a lot, especially when you're so active and so strict with your diet.
    Your first big addiction! I'm actually really excited for you. Keep us posted, yes?! I really hope everything goes according to plan, you deserve it.

    Take care lovely. You can do it! <3 xx

  2. oh you're happy with 134? i'm glad with that. good. good. good things.
    okay. i'm jealous already. me and my sudden quest for developing muscle and i somehow forgot that you - miss vegan, somehow manage to triumph me with protein requirements and are as strong as fuck. and i'm not. yum.
    thigh gap though.
    i'd never do a 700kcal deficit. in all honesty. that sounds like so much of a deficit! i'd not be able to maintain it. today i've just been crazily eating. i'm starved to death!
    i was waiting for protein. not sure how you manage to fit in 90-100g of protein in 1500 calories. i need to do that.
    ouch. lots of gym. too much gym for me. too much activity. shhhhhh.
    OH OH OH i know. omg. when you commented about the cutting and bulking. yes. i haven't outlined what i'm thinking of for a good lifting programme but i do know: lift. real. fucking. hard. and of course, good recovery time (for me, when i start lifting and lifting hard, i need a good 4-5 days after the first session and then to go at it again. recovery time improves over time.) still tentative about eating above maintenance but wow, i'm stocked for the idea of cutting and bulking and possibly being strong and lovely. omg.
    and 99% fat free. xD

    -Sam Lupin

  3. OMG YES YES YES WE SHOULD WE SHOULD WE SHOULD we should totally cut/bulk together. same plan. same goals. same things. *w* i'm all for this.

    -Sam Lupin

    1. Oh, yes, this is so excellent.
      Not gonna lie, not starting until Sunday at least because hahaha my thesis is due in two days ohgodohgod.
      But basically: Let's use the next couple of days to plan?