Tuesday, January 6, 2015

Starving Shape

Man, I had forgotten how much restricting (even in the loose sense of what I'm doing) HURTS.
Hunger pangs aside, my body takes so much longer to recover from exercise, and I just always ache with a combination of muscle soreness (fine) and fatigue (not so good). My back hurts like a bitch and is tightening up like it always does when I go down this rabbit hole.
What astonishes me most is how QUICKLY it happened. A couple days of b/p, two days of semi-restriction, and BAM, there it is on the third day. My body used to be more accustomed to this, I guess. It used to know how to juggle rehearsals and technique classes and workouts on not so much food. I'm not in "starving shape" anymore.

Today was so-so. Class this morning was good but utterly exhausting, so I ended up not lifting afterwards.
Breakfast before class: oats with soy milk and cherries (300 cal)
Right after class: smoothie with spinach, cherries, and soy milk (117). Lower cal without the pear, but not so tasty. I was still shaky when I got home, though, so the combination of protein and good carbs was helpful.
Showered, then made a stir-fry with tons of vegetables, a TON (300 cal/36 g protein worth) of tofu because my muscles felt SO weak in class, then a little soy milk, 2 tbsp peanut butter, and hot curry seasoning (650 cal/51 g protein altogether). Delicious and a lot of food, but I was still hungry afterwards. Silly body.
Had work (cashiering at a huge café chain in the US), where I was on my feet for 7 hours straight. Consumed lots of tea. I was SUPPOSED to come home to half a tomato and a cup of artichoke hearts tonight, but I had to go and eat a quarter of a sprouted grain bagel (60) at work, so I lost my right to my at-home treat. Alas.

Today's total, then, is 1127.

A little nervous about tomorrow. I want to take a two-hour dance class in the morning, but I'd have to go straight from that to my internship, then straight from that to work for another 7 hour shift. Oatmeal beforehand, and something travel-able to eat the office after class (probably beans/tofu/vegetable), but I'm scared that after work I'll come home and binge like crazy because I'll be exhausted and hungry.
...but if I eat more things, I'm scared I'm also going to unleash the floodgates on a binge. No winning.

Well, we'll see.
--The Dancer


  1. I think in recovery, I pretty much lost "starving shape". with Minnie Maud, I have a lot of trouble restricting calories even to a normal level sometimes because I was used to 2,500+ calories. horror.

    I don't know why, but the thought of you eating cherries makes me happy. always eat cherries in one form okay? cherries in smoothie, cherries in porridge, cherry pie (did I say that? I didn't say that)... I know there's that one that's vegan that I think you like but I forgot what it was.

    cherries again!!!!! (I wrote the top part when I was reading cherries in porridge. then cherries in smoothie).

    dude. how the hell did you...

    *says nothing else*

    *PS. it's about the amount of protein you managed to cram in you. how the hell?*

    here's a thought: maybe you can make something real quick for when you come back home, so you have to eat that before you think of eating anything else? just a thought.


    -Sam Lupin

  2. Maybe some more sugary fruits will help with the fatigue. You eat so much protein, but I wonder if you get enough carbs while restricting. That's just me though - carbs help me a lot.

    Take care <3

  3. comment reply:

    shhhhhhhh. *sends kisses*

    my measurements are the same as it was when I was about a few lbs lower (around 4lbs if I was right), but that weight is just about 3lbs lower from what was my usual weight.

    oh good golly. me?! gain muscle mass? how'd I do it? I want to know so I can do it again.

    Minnie Maud...not sure if you've read about it or if you've been busy, but I thought to give you an outline. it's this ED recovery method where you eat 2,500-3,000 calories MINIMALLY to get over some of the aspects of ED. it depends on age, height, weight, if you have your period/don't, if you have other ED symptoms, etc, and you follow that for a while until you reach a point where you are weight restored.

    I've done it for a few weeks. 2,500 calories, and I've gained 3lbs from it, and then I upped to 3,000 calories because my body was begging for more. I gained a whole 8lbs very quickly, but 3-4lbs came off very quickly. :)

    that poptart was delicious *w*

    -Sam Lupin