Friday, October 2, 2015

Good Things

I am still fat, but that's neither here nor there at the moment.

I got a promotion at work! It's only a small increase in pay/hours worked, but I get a second title and I'm actually absorbing an entire position after we let someone else go. So that's exciting.

Haven't heard from any recent auditions, but I've taken dance classes three days in a row now and am going back tomorrow for yoga, modern, and improv (4 hours of movement). The class I took today was with my old college dance professor, and we had a nice discussion beforehand about the state of dance in the city I'm in--how there are no auditions, no independent choreographers looking for dancers, and how all of the major companies use a roster of the same 30-ish dancers for all of their projects. Her advice was to just make my own work, start my own company. So. At least it's not all in my head.

I've been working with Duolingo to brush up on my German for the past week. (The last sentence I had to translate: "Sofern du bezahlst, trinke ich" which is basically "as long as you're paying, I'm drinking." I appreciate that Duolingo understands the phrases I need in my daily life.)
I started their French course yesterday. "Je suis une femme" is about as advanced as my French is at this point, but that's okay.  I've wanted to improve my German and learn a third language for a while now, so yay goal progress.

I've also started looking at meet up groups in the area. I think maybe if I'm more social, I'll feel better about... well... everything. I've so far RSVP'd to two book club meetings, one of which is a week from Sunday, so I'll have to start reading that soon. I'd also like to lose weight by then (ha, of course), if for no other reason than I put way too much emphasis on first impressions.

Tomorrow I'm going to a burlesque show with H partially because it's fun and partially as a celebration of my promotion.

K's birthday was Wednesday. I texted her happy birthday, she said thanks and she hopes I'm well. I said thanks and same to her. The same sentences we've ended every stilted conversation with: hope you're well. Glad you're well. You sound well. They're rather meaningless, but when we find ourselves in situations where we have to talk, that's what comes out.
I'm upset about it but also not. It takes a lot of energy to wish that we were still together, and it's not energy that I'm usually willing to expend, even if deep down I absolutely DO wish that we were still together.
I'm not sure if that makes any sense at all.

I dunno.
Things are going well, even if I am fat.

I just wish I could either lose the weight or stop hating my body. Or both. I'm becoming happier and happier cultivating my inner person (excuse the hippie talk), but I still hate what's on the outside.
One out of two is better than it was.

Hope you're all well, my loves.
--The Dancer

1 comment:

  1. Duolingo is great isn't it! I hope you get on to the point where you want to be.

    Please don't hate your body, it's such a terrible thing to have to live with, I know from experience. Keep getting happier and happier by cultivating your inner person, you'll get there some time. It takes time but you'll get to where you want to be.

    Take care x