Saturday, May 28, 2016

Hello Again

It seems that I always come back here when things are changing.
"Here" to this blog, not "here" to an eating disorder. With the ED, I'm both not returning and admitting that I never left.

I was 136.8 this morning, which I'm okay enough with. I'd be happier five pounds lower, but when isn't that true? I've been in the 140s for most of my time post-college (...which is almost two years now, holy hell), but in the (high) 130s the past three weeks or so. I like this better.
Today was breakfast: strawberry chia pudding with pb (291 cal/9 g protein), then an hour and a half dance class,  a quick grocery store run, then lunch: salad with tomato, bell pepper, tofu, avocado, and nutritional yeast (363 cal/22 g protein). I'm digesting and drinking water, then gym and dinner, maybe seeing the boyfriend after his show.

Oh, yes, there's a boyfriend.
I wrote about him back in September, how I had a crush on W, the lighting designer from a show I had done. How he had a show coming up that I was going to drag H to and, I dunno, at least remind him that I existed.
Well, I didn't do quite that. I missed the show, but I sent him a FB message afterwards apologizing for it, asking how it went, any excuse to start and keep up a conversation. And it worked! We exchanged messages (long messages--paragraphs about the state of the arts community in our area and the purpose of an education, about the merits of the classical canon and the merits of various sci-fi franchises) before deciding, yeah, we clearly had a lot we could talk about, why don't we meet up for a drink? And the drink turned into three straight hours of chatting and light touches, turned into him offering to drive me home (we were close enough that I had walked), turned into a goodnight kiss turned into going on seven months together.
He's wonderful and sweet and funny and he knows about my issues in an abstract sense but doesn't make a big deal out of them and I'm just so relaxed around him. We binge-watch Netflix and cook together and go see theatre and dance and discuss current events and philosophy and sociology while snuggled in bed in the mornings. He's amazing. It's amazing. I'm happy with him.

Besides the boyfriend, I got another promotion at the dance company I work for. For a while I was working full time, but we found out yesterday that our summer hours are seriously reduced, so I have to figure out how to live on about half of what I was planning on. Eek.
Otherwise, I had a gallery installation (result of the fellowship) in March-April and a show in May. I start rehearsals for another show next week--that one goes up in August. A couple more pretty big auditions over the next couple of weeks, as well.

Things are... okay. The work thing is scary--really, really scary, and I've been panicking all week about it, but I've realized that I need to just seize this opportunity to take as much class as possible, get to the gym as much as possible, and spend time making art. So that's what I'm going to do. Food and gym and class all in line and everything else will fall into place.

How have you all been, lovelies?
--The Dancer


  1. Hello, my dear!! It's always so lovely to see your blog pop up on my feed.

    Blogging serves a purpose for all if us, for different reasons. When it stops serving a purpose, it's just work to keep at it. It sounds like you're in a really good place right now though.

    There's a boyfriend?! Yay! That's really cute how you got together. The stars must've been aligned :)

    Keep us updated, okay?! Miss you <3


  2. Love the boyfriend story! good luck with the work thing! xx

  3. i love you so much. i love you so much and like Bella, it's always lovely to see your blog pop up in your feed.

    you best be eating more than that, my love - for the insane amount of activity you've been doing! i know it's hard but it's nice to be reminded sometimes that there are people that think that you should be eating more.

    i've had to read back the post to W, i'd forgotten all about these people. i'll catch up quick i think.

    that's so lovely. i forgot how you've got a gripping writing style too. i absolutely love the way you've explained the whole thing! it's made my heart warm.

    i... i always forget how bloody busy you are! it's amazing you've time to post.

    "but I've realized that I need to just seize this opportunity" yes. honestly, i wouldn't doubt your capabilities. you're an extraordinary, hard-working, strong-willed human being!

    hope i've not said anything to offend you now, love xxx it's great to hear from you again!

    -Sam Lupin