I'm at 140.4 right now, which feels REALLY high, but I've spent the majority of the past year between 141 and 147, so... big picture.
in 10 days I'll start a week-long intensive/audition process for a local company.
In preparation: class+rehearsal tomorrow (Sat), rehearsal+gym Sunday, gym Monday, classx3 (modern, ballet, modern) Tuesday, class (contact improv) Wednesday, classx2 (modern, different modern) Thursday, gym Friday, class+rehearsal Saturday, rest up on Sunday to kick ass for a week straight.
Other smaller picture:
In 31 days I'll be leaving to spend a week in a dance residency with the company I've been working with. 8 days of (paid!) lakeside choreographing with some super talented people, and it's silly but I know I'm going to be in a swimsuit with some very attractive humans nearby and I just want to look good. These dancers are also much farther along in their careers than I am, and I want to impress (I'm 23 and the next-youngest in the group are 30, which, by the way, is only "over the hill" in Classical Ballet. These people are seriously AMAZING).
So 31 days of doing everything right. Lots of water, lots of vegetables, lean protein, berries, whole grains, exercise (which I've been thoroughly ignoring, which is dumb).
If 140.4 is my "real" weight, and I lose 1.5 pounds a week over the next 31 days, I'll be down to 133.8. That's only .2 pounds per day, which is a 745 caloric deficit every day.
Let's say it's 750 to be safe.
My BMR is 1456. On a "lightly active" day, I'll burn 2000 calories. That's just walking to/from the office, to/from the bf's place, etc. On days I take a single dance class or go to the gym, that bumps up to about 2300. On days I take multiple dance classes or rehearse for a long stretch of time, that could be as high as 2600.
So whatever it is, I'll do 750 calories under that. If I'm not doing anything but going to the office and coming home, I'll eat 1250. If I'm dancing a little, 1500. If I'm dancing a lot, 1800. The low numbers there soothe my ED brain and the high numbers sound good to my "but health!" brain.
Today so far I've had black coffee (about 6 calories) plus tofu scramble (tofu, scallion, mushroom, tomato, and spinach). I've made a yummy green juice with plenty of water for a snack (spinach, blackberries, and raspberries) and bulk-cooked some couscous with beans and veggies at the beginning of the week that I'll have for lunch with some raspberries. All of that comes to 530 calories and 37 grams of protein, which gives me 700 calories for this evening. I might not hit 1250 today, but I ate so much yesterday that I'm okay with today being lighter.
It's an easy day, too. It's 8:30 am right now and I've been up for about an hour and a half. I don't have to be at work until 11, so I'm going to spend the extra time making up a batch of seitan (quick, on-the-go protein!) and tidying the apartment a bit.
Doing that kind of thing in the morning makes me feel... luxurious. Self-care/life-maintenance stuff so often gets pushed off in favor of being busy, so having time to really dedicate to it feels like a treat.
Happy Friday, loves.