136.8!

Even though I ate yesterday.
Like a lot.
(It's okay.)
I had two apples, an orange, a 450 calorie pack of nuts and dried cranberries.
That should have been it, but my rehearsal schedule has been so incredibly intense (it wasn't yesterday, but the day before was hellish and today will be hellish, too) and my body was just actually about to give out on me. So when I got home from rehearsals I had carrot sticks and celery stick with hummus and a couple handfuls of raw nuts.
My body still just HURT, and I wasn't sure how I was going to get through today, so I had a protein bar (270 cal, 20 g protein) right before bed.
I just did the math and yesterday was around 1275. But I also burned somewhere in the 400-600 range through dance, so it's not the worst.
I went to bed at midnight. I got up at 4:30. So at 4:30 am, 4.5 hours of sleep, I was down .6 pounds from yesterday.
I'm calling that the requisite .7 pounds/day.
136.8 today. Hopefully I'll hit 136 even tomorrow.

So it's okay that I ate.
(And it actually is, sort of.)
(This week is so hard.)

I need to eat at least two meals today. I have a skills test in modern this morning, so breakfast.
I have a four-hour intense solo rehearsal with a professional choreographer this afternoon (aka the reason my body hurts SO MUCH), so some kind of lunch. Probably just vegetables and tofu, but maybe a veggie burger with half of a bun.
I'll probably eat a snack tonight, too. Nuts or a protein bar or hot chocolate made with light soy milk. I have a second draft of my thesis due on Friday that's in bad shape, so I need to be able to work on it.
(Hence getting up at 4:30.)

I know I'm just full of excuses today/this week/always.
But maybe some of them are real? If we assume I count as "very active," then the calories necessary to maintain my weight is 2500.
So 1275 isn't the worst?

I'm feeling very lost recently.
But it's okay. I'll find my way.

(You'll find yours, too.)
Love always,
--The Dancer