Given that I've b/p'ed four times in the last three days, I think it's safe to say that's a pattern that's continuing.
Given that I comfortably fit into shorts that have given me rolls every time I've tried them on in the past, oh, year, I think it's safe to say that I'm okay with that.
Here's the problem, though: Unless I want to go to Whole Foods and spend epic shittons of money, the closest food source is about a 10-15 minute walk away. Which isn't bad until you're in the middle of a binge and every second counts and, oh, look at that, you just ate food that wasn't yours. And again. And again.
I'm okay with the b/p. I'm not okay with the stealing food to do it. I had some extra time today, so I went to that cheaper food source (Dollar General) and stocked up on binge foods. Given that I was NOT in the mood to binge, it felt very, very odd stacking cereal, candy, and other junk into my basket. If I'm not b/p-ing, even when I'm not restricting, I like to eat healthy food. BUying so much SHIT was a strange experience.
What I walked away with:
1 box Dollar General brand Frosted Flakes
1 box Cookie Crisp
1 large bag Skittles
1 large bag sour gummies
4 individually-boxed pies (2 apple, 2 cherry)
1 medium bag Chex Mix
1 large bag pretzels
These are all just sitting in my desk drawers, waiting for the urge to binge to strike.
(Who am I kidding, it's always there. But I have a performance later tonight and I don't want to be bloated.)
(Who am I kidding, I'll probably b/p again anyway, hell with bloat. But. Y'know. I can pretend.)
I'm a little disgusted that they're there. I'm a little disgusted that people, real, normal PEOPLE WITHOUT EDs buy and consume this shit.
It is thoroughly baffling to me.
i know the feeling. i used to steal binge food ALL THE TIME because i couldn't bring myself to buy it in the store. and i felt worse about that than i did about b/p. if i did buy it though, then i'd only buy binge food (and a heck load of it). i couldn't hoard it though so i'd have massive binges. can't have that shit lying around. it's a very confusing thing, and yes i can't understand people who buy the stuff without thinking they're being bad.
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