Friday, August 9, 2013

Tsk Tsk, Telling Lies

We remember K? The former-circus-freak friend with ED and SH problems who I stayed with before dance festival?
A few things about her.
1) She hates that she has these problems. She suffers through them. She hates everything associated with it.
2) She and I were almost dating at the end of the school year (after D and I broke up I was too much of a mess to actually date her, but she had feelings for me and we hooked up quite a bit).
3) She expects us to end up in a relationship when we get back to school, despite me telling her that it's not going to happen and that she should use the summer to get over me.
4) We don't lie to each other.

Except that she thinks I'm more or less fully recovered from my eating problems.
She knew that I struggled with them before, including at the end of last school year. But I've told her that being at the dance festival fixed them and I'm all recovered.

Because I don't want her pity.
Because I don't want her checking up on me.
Because I don't want her worrying looks.
Because I want to do this. All the way.
And so I've been lying to her. For the first time ever.
And I don't care.


PS, 137.5 this morning. Currently 45 hours without food and I feel great. I find this a lot easier when I actually feel hungry... does that make any sense?


  1. argh lying.
    i hate it but i love it. i pretty much go through life lying to everybody (ok i'm not lying right now). it sucks you'd have to break such a cool thing as a no lie relationship, but i get it. i would probably lie too. so i can't really advise you on that one (not that you really need my 2 cents advice. actually, make that negative 5 dollars).
    otherwise: WOOT WOOT minus 2 pounds! confetti and dance music in my head!

  2. i don't want to guess wrong but im guessing by the title you lied to someone
    everything associated with it
    uh oh
    that could be a problem
    hot! you're bi/a les i'm guessing
    that's so hot. i'm a lesbian. well - I don't say that to people. I tell them I like chicks.
    you've got to do what you have to do my love
    that's the problem
    you should give her a name - like a fake name. I have a feeling she'll be popping up again x
    and ohhhhhhhhhhh I WANT TO BE 137.5. IM BLOODY 144.8
    okay that's one of my lowest weights. my lowest weight ever is 142.5 SO I WANT TO BE THAT.

    -Sam Lupin
    PS. yes. it does actually to me. because it feels like it's 'working'. like you're 'doing something.'