The past couple of days I've been eating like a normal-but-health-conscious person. Lots of fruits, vegetables, and whole grains. I've been pretty okay with that.
Except for last night. I'm staying with a friend's family for a couple of days (let's call the friend K--she's the one with the ED/self-harm problems, as well). This friend used to be in the circus. Like, Cirque du Soleil-style flying trapeze acrobatic craziness. Well. A friend of hers from circus (let's call her A) really really wanted to go on and do this professionally, but she was rejected from two schools she auditioned for earlier this year. K's dad was talking about A and about how she'd never make it because she didn't understand what it took to be doing what she does at a professional level, and how she's not athletic or flexible enough for it. She never, he said, put it in the extra work to get to the level she needed to be.
Which made me realize that eating like a normal-but-health-conscious person and not exercising is NOT putting in the work that's going to get me to where I want to be in dance. That just gets me fat.
I need to micromanage what goes in my mouth from now on.
Not 400 calories of whatever.
But really, truly micromanage.
Healthy: fruits, vegetables, protein, fats, complex carbs if I'm going to be working out/dancing. Water. Lots and lots of water.
...and a little help along the way. I took Ripped Fuel for the first time in what seems like months. I'm okay with that, to be honest. It's what I have to do.
This is ALL what I have to do.
And I will do it.
And I will be great.
And I will make it.